Purple People Eater

So, what is it like dressing as a sexy maid on Halloween? Fun. I have never dressed in costume as a sexy anything. For the sake of all of us, I won’t make a habit of it.

Story time.

My wife took me to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show last night (Halloween, 2014). We dressed to impress. Being Halloween, and since we were in Chinatown, which is full of weekend night life, we decided to walk around and then catch a meal after the movie.

Here I was, wearing the skimpiest outfit I have ever worn, feeling entirely safe because everyone else was dressed up too.

After our meal, I stepped outside for a smoke.

Enter douchebag #1, a guy who had the creativity to smear some random patches of red paint on his face and wear a red shirt. Great costume… whatever…

He takes a good look at me, kinda staring me up and down. I take two steps towards him (I was already walking in that direction). He takes two steps back. “Woah! Dude!!” He commands.

I quickly read his disgust filled face. I am wearing a skimpy costume dress and he just can not handle it. Making my eyes real big and cute, and smirking a smirk, I reply in my deepest voice, “You should see what my wife is wearing.”

He chuckles a little. “Good answer.” Then his face turns serious. “That is about the only thing you could’ve said that I would’ve accepted.”

His friends around him seem to be getting nervous. “How they hangin’?” He mockingly asks.

“I assure you they are well packed away, and I am walking a little bull legged.”

Now his friends break out in laughter. Douchebag #1 looks annoyed.

I take a slow and intentional step towards him this time. He backs away as far as he can. “Wow, you little tough guy.” I say in a sweet, hushed tone, “With all these zombies, people with decapitated limbs, blood all over their bodies… I am flattered to know I am the scariest thing you have seen all night.”

His friends howl in laughter as I walk away. “Are you fwightened? Are you scared? Huh tough guy? Don’t worry. We won’t let the ittle bitty scary maid hurt you.”

I walk back inside the restaurant, head held high, to be with my wife.

p.s. I was as sober as a saint. There were three door bouncers within 20 feet of us at this time, so it was a fairly safe location. He also was no Alpha, just a douche who’d had one or two too many drinks. It was clear he was annoying his group of friends.




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