Annoyed by Positivity
I have been so positive lately, I no longer feel like myself. In some ways, I disgust me.
Why do I feel so positive? 3 potential reasons come to mind.
Many trans folk give hormones all the credit. What do hormones do? Well, with trans folk, we most often look at testosterone and estrogen.
Testosterone (T), is the boy hormone. Estrogen (E) is the girl hormone. This is an oversimplification but, I am not a doctor. I do not wish to speak beyond my expertise. I will go into my experiences with both hormones, but they are not scientific.
In my experience, T, was an amazingly potent drug. E, not so much. The lack of T in my body is much more noticeable than the addition of E.
Rather than discuss what T does, I will discuss what the lack of T does to a MTF (Male to Female) trans person. Brace yourself, this may be too much information.
I take two doses of Spironolactone (Spiro) per day. Spironolactone is an Anti-Anrogen (AA) or, a testosterone blocker.
Spiro slowly reduces testosterone production within a male body. This causes many, “Side effects”. I put that in quotes, because I, as a MTF, want to experience these side effects, for the most part…
So… WTF does Spiro do? What is it like to go FROM testosterone to LITTLE to NO testosterone?
(Victoria pats herself on the back for asking herself such a great question.)
My biggest fear in transition was a huge reduction in sex drive. This fear was unfounded. Oh, my sex drive dropped like a rock. Yes it did. But, you do not miss what you do not obsess over. Sex is no longer how I identify myself. Oops.
Spiro killed my sex drive. Heh, no biggie.
It killed my morning wood. My ability to sustain an erection. My ability to get erect. Fully. My ability to ejaculate. My need to care about the lack of anything listed above.
And yet… hope is not lost… it is bizarrely restored. The girl thing… I will save for another post. Perhaps… oh yeah, and I catch myself being a woman. That topic also, deserves more than one post.
But I digress… I guess T can bite my (redacted)!
I pee very well now, thank you very much.
I brought this up because of my prostate. Spironolactone shrunk it to the size of a walnut. I pee like a (redacted) champ now! TMI?
I could go on…
E is giving me boobs. Slowly.
Smooth skin. Slowly.
I smell better. Now.
Bad hair grows slow. Missing hair grows fast. I look younger.
Why does this help positivity?
I look younger.
I mean, I am happy. Can’t help it. Containing a smile right now.
Might be a placebo. How the (redacted) would I know?
3: Catharsis and Estrogen
Catharsis? I did something for myself.
Estrogen? Boobs. Topic to come.
(forgive errors, posted without edits)